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Home: Philippines or Sydney?

This is something I’ve been thinking about since I last left Manila. Moving from one country to another, which place really is my home? Or maybe a better way to say it is, which place has become my home?

Home to me is a place of discovery. Not only a place of discovery for the country or city itself, but a place of discovery and reflection for yourself, a place of growth and a place where you feel most at peace.

And given all those definitions of “home,” Sydney has become my home. There’s no doubt that the Philippines will always be my mother country. A place to go home to because my family, relatives and friends are there. But if they were all to move here to Sydney, this home of mine would’ve been just perfect. Everywhere I go in Sydney, no matter alone or with friends. I discover something. I discover something about the place, which is wonderful. But more importantly, I discover something about myself, which always amazes me.

Living with a business-minded father, I’ve always been inclined to do business, business, business. It was almost engraved in my brain that someday, I would take over the family business. But each day, I discover a more creative side in me. I recently discovered that I love expressing myself through writing, I also recently discovered that I would love to create my own fashion line someday and create a beautiful store just like ones that I see here in Sydney. Everywhere I go, I find inspiration. And because of that, it keeps me motivated to study harder, which I think at this point of my life, is the most important priority.

To be very personal and honest with all of you, I get a lot of anxiety. I guess in simple terms I stress out a lot on both big and small things. Sometimes, I even get anxiety attacks when I feel extremely lonely. Although, I also love being alone, there are days where a companion is what I need most. And here in Sydney, I never ever ever get anxiety attacks or perhaps, I just don’t have any reason to stress out.

There was this one time, I was just walking around Paddington market with Gab and his siblings and I found myself saying, “you know what babe, I think I’m considering Sydney my home.” I’m calm when I’m here, I feel at peace, I discover more about myself and I reflect. I reflect about my growth, I reflect about lives of other people.

But if you ask me, would I ever consider permanently moving to Sydney? The answer is maybe. Who knows? I don’t know yet. Although, at such an early stage, I consider Sydney my home, my family is still in the Philippines. And one day, I may need to work for my father for a few years and of course, after earning whatever position I deserve to get. Besides all these, I’m sure as a typical Chinese father, it’d absolutely break his heart paying for my tuition now to get good education abroad and then ending up working for someone else and not him.

A few more realizations and I’m done babbling, now that I’m 22, I do not only reflect on what I want to eat later on, if my uniform is clean enough, where my shoes are. I reflect on actual life. And I’m glad that even if sometimes it gets confusing, I continuously reflect and think about my growth, which I believe at this stage, together with education, is very very important.

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